Part of the pain we experience is because we become unconscious about our personal valuing systems. We often have an intellectual experience of valuing that does not match how we actually live our lives. There are those who say with conviction that the most important thing in their lives is their children, but the actual time and energy spent with their children is minimal. That does not mean that that person does not love the children, but it does mean that that love does not translate into time spent with them. The opposite can be true when an individual says they do not believe that appearance is important, yet much time and money is spent on appearance. This teaching is not a judgment on anything, it is simply a reminder that checking on the places in your life where time and energy are being expended and making sure that these things match your values.